To be honest I don't care if anyone gets mad for what I write. My life is so different from all my friends and family. I live separately from my fiance. I go to school and work and take care of our kittens and take care of our house. As for Brian he's up in Indiana going through chemo and treatments yet again without me there. What no one really knows is that Brian has two different kinds of Testicle Cancer. That Brian is worse than he was a few months ago. All he does is sleep all day, because of all the pain he is in. I was told by my parents and his mother that Brian still has his headaches and he's not eating. The hospital has given medication for him to sleep during his pain.
To tell you the truth I have only my family, his family, my school, and a friend who has been at my side since Brian left and she's making a charity for him and that's not going to be starting until November, but I'm very grateful for her and I'm glad she is back in my life, she has been a shoulder to lean on, to call on, and just for her to be there and listen. I wish all my friends could be like her. I use to love doing things by myself and go places by myself, I don't like that anymore. I miss hanging out with my best friend, but she's to busy. I feel alone in all this, whether or not me and Brian had some difficulties a couple weeks ago, we always mend our fights and talk them out, I truly love him and I truly want to marry him, because whether he's a hothead sometimes I'm hothead sometimes, but he can be the sweetest man in the whole wide world. Brian doesn't call me bad names, he takes care of me before himself, even though i tell him not too.
Brian is gentlemen and that's why i fell in love with him the first time i met him. If no one else enjoys his company and also mine, then you don't need to be a part of our life. I'm still planning our wedding, looking at invitations whether having them made by my best friend or just order them. Looking at Dresses, but I found a few that I like, but i need to lose some weight before i can find my perfect dress for my perfect day. Wedding planning to me is very hard. Especially when the theme is Peacock and it's not going very well finding decorations for that. So I'm probably going to have to create my own decorations. One of these days i would like to have a girls day and talk about girl things, have a movie marathon or something to get my mind off of things and just be able to breathe.
That's what i need to do is Breathe and stop worrying and enjoy life, whether bad things is going wrong, i just need to take a walk and breathe.
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