I can't wait until school is over.  I'm so overwhelmed with classes, moving out of my old apartment and then moving to my new one with my fiance.  I have a meeting with Florida Vocational Rehabilitation, I pray to god they can help me pay for my senior year in the fall, that would be great for me and for my parents.  I'm so nervous for that.  I have to call the local Catholic Church to get me and Brian in marriage classes.  My summer ahead is going to be very busy, taking Brian to therapy, doctor appointments, planning a wedding, oh boy lots to do.

I really can't believe I'm going to be a Senior in college next year.  I never thought I would get that far, but what I'm worried about what the hell am I going to do with a Liberal Studies degree.  I really regret not going to University of La Crosse Wisconsin for the Archaeological Degree, that is one of my biggest dream is becoming an Archaeologist, or a Historian for a Movie Studio.  My other ideas is to be a writer, which i have been writing since I was 11 years old, or like my Art professor keeps telling me a Painter.  I thought of the Park Service, but they assign you to a location and I have to take a test and I really would like to stay put in Florida.  Disney was always an ideal job.  I also was told I could be a good History teacher.  I seriously don't know?  I'm also so nervous because this economy really sucks and what if I don't find a job or anything for me and my fiance to live?  I really don't know?  Any ideas?

FAIRYTALE!!!!!! How the hell can you call our creator a fairytale? God and our savior Jesus Christ is a FAIRYTALE?????  Blasphemy!!! So apparently we're all a fairytale, the life we're living in is a fairytale, everything around us is a fairytale.  I'm so sick and tired of people saying that God isn't real, that his creation is a myth or like today, a FAIRYTALE!!!  So Heaven is a fairytale and so is hell?  How did we get on this earth, explain to me how we were created.  God is our father, and we need to start defending our father and all our spiritual family.  I'm a Catholic and proud to be one. 

This new beginning will have difficult challenges.  Big adult responsibilities.  1. taking care of Brian when he comes home.  Taking him to his doctor appointments.  Driving him to work.  Helping him around the house, washing him and bathing him.  2.  Planning a wedding, where we should have is the question, engagement photos, save the dates, colors, my girls, his boys, so much to plan and I have a year to plan it. 3. Try to enjoy the summer, getting use to living in the state that I love, I usually go back to Wisconsin for the summer to be with my family, but now my new life has started and living on my own with Brian. 4.  Find a job or internship if i can find one, this society is so corrupt,  jobs are hard to come by.  A huge commitment is on the way.

I was told I was special, a different person.  Ever since my fiance has been in the hospital i have felt different and special. God has given me the courage to think about others before myself.  I use to be a selfish person and didn't care about other people, but now as I have a fiance that just through a stroke and having cancer on top of that, I realize he needs my help, before I need to take care of myself.  I gave up all the plans me and him made for to be with him.  My whole spring break, instead of going to Disney or the Beach, or anything fun, I stayed with him in the hospital, while he was going through all his treatments.  Didn't care of what other people were doing or saying, I needed to stay with Brian.  As I got back to school, everyone was like "I can't believe you stayed there with him the whole week of Spring Break,"  I got really annoyed when people kept saying that, because I realized if they were in the same shoes as I was, they wouldn't do what I just did.  I realized at this small college I attend, there is a lot of selfish people, and greedy, and cruel.  

Why wouldn't I stay with Brian, he's my fiance, I'm going to marry him in a year.  I love him very much, I'm not going to leave his side.  Teachers and faulty keep telling me that everything will be fine, and happy for us and happy that Brian is getting better quickly, quicker than we all expected.  God has made us strong, gave him the willpower to get better and come back to be the bubbly man he is.  

I'm proud of what I became I am a different person, I'm human, I not shutting myself in my shell, I have opened up and breathed the air.  Now I just need to fight and make a whole new life for me.  I'm very excited to be apart of Brian's family and friends and as for him being apart of my family and friends.  Also I turn back to my spiritual family and all the saints.  I have lost myself and I haven't been praying like I'm suppose too, and receiving communion.  God and Jesus use to be the biggest and important part of my life and somewhere in my life I drifted far away in the middle of the sea of sins of others.  God is bringing me back and is giving me a new life, a new me, a man of my dreams, friends that i have never had growing up, a big family.  Cheers for the New Beginning!